Nyctophilia

by 4 a.m.

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1.
01:48
2.
04:07
3.
03:55
4.
04:33
5.
05:41
6.
7.
8.
03:02
9.
10.
05:13
11.
12.
02:34
13.
02:48

credits

released June 6, 2015

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4 a.m. Gainesville, Florida

Music is one of the most important parts of my life. I write what I would listen to, If you are anything like me, my words will mean something to you.

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Track Name: Crazy
im in a very neat spot,
thanks a lot,
now ive got,
guilt hanging over me,
like a rot,
ive been shot
pay no mind to me
im just hot
in this spot
because i have the silver spoon
but its not
what I thought
and what i thought, that i got, would be not be eating me inside
i divide my life into pieces just so i can self deprive,
my heart, from a start, ill depart from what you truly expect,
i detect my mind desolving, and i dont want you to be next

i dont want you to be next

why do I go?
why do I go?
why do I go?
Crazy??

so let me break it down safe and sound everybody listen
thoughts glisten when you give em room, to fire like pistons,
and they hand you the weapon, gleaming youre itching to fire,
youve got desire, pull the trigger please, its down to the wire

sanity leaves as my vanity stays embracing my old lazy ways of past days,
simply lying in bed, grows not mans head, but instead he is rolling around in dismay
and why does he feel like this, surely theres hope, an up slope at the end of this dangling rope?
better run while you can, or youll be like this man, with a chance and all you can do is be damned

somewhere inside my own person i find that i never will ever become,
the person they want, but the person that taunts, cause my brain just wont succom,
so you can call me crazy and maybe just maybe there somewhere i might find,
something to heal myself, make me someone else, theres no cure for a man my kind,

why is it so, does he know where he goes?
when he acts like a fool at any minute?
hes a on track for a minute but then he slacks for a minute and when he wants it he wont see it

and it drives the man crazy that he feels this lazy but his head is still a littly hazy,
but its a hazy that will slay me unless i get a little crazy, looks im gonna get crazy

Crazy!

why do I go?
why do I go?
why do I go?
Crazy??


im in a very neat spot,
thanks a lot,
now ive got,
guilt hanging over me,
like a rot,
ive been shot
pay no mind to me
im just hot
in this spot
because i have the silver spoon
but its not
what I thought
and what i thought, that i got, would be not be eating me inside
i divide my life into pieces just so i can self deprive,
my heart, from a start, ill depart from what you truly expect,
i detect my mind desolving, and i dont want you to be...

Crazy
Track Name: Night
as the sun sets
the day grows dry
ill get into bed and close my eyes

something captures me,
takes hold of my sight,
I’ve grown a love that new
night

up at night late when im ready to sleep,
just gotta close my eyes tight, and count down sheep,
then all the thoughts from the day flood my thoughts,
its like a razor blade, slicing swift, its too damn hot,
never mind im not, maybe im just cold
ill put one leg out, weaving sheet and blanket folds,
Then my eyes spring open, and the fire begins,
Why is it now, and not then, that my day must begin
I get up walk around, I try hard not to pace,
All for naught, I'm just walking and my steps I retrace
That's alright, I didn't want to go to sleep tonight
Too much work, too much thought, all part of my inner fight
and I’m afraid i truly am, the fear is deep inside of me
where will all these thoughts go when i drift off to sleep,
ill remember me from a dream i could have had a tough break,
luckily, just for me, its dawn, and I’m still awake

its four a.m. somewhere

as the sun sets
the day grows dry
ill get into bed and close my eyes

something captures me,
takes hold of my sight,
I’ve grown a love that new
night


and the tossing and the turning, no it never grows old,
i kind of like the insomnia running through my bones
and if someones gonna ask me why I’m so tired,
ill look at em with teary eyes and tell em that I’m really quite wired
never mind I’m not, maybe I’m just weird,
i have the shadow from the night before, its ugly head has reared
and when if find myself stuggling to get this in one take,
ill reboot with some caffeine, maybe you can relate,
relations stop there, its at the ceiling i stare,
with heavy thoughts and heavy hands, and slight fears for nightmares,
i just hope that i will become brave one night, so i can truly be the victor of this tiring inner fight
i don’t wanna be afraid, and thats the truth I’m telling you,
I’m tired of being tired, and my own self abuse
ill be sober, ill be free in my sweet escape,
luckily just for me its dawn, and I’m still awake

luckily just for me its dawn, and I’m still awake(repeated)

its four a.m. somewhere

as the sun sets
the day grows dry
ill get into bed and close my eyes

something captures me,
takes hold of my sight,
I’ve grown a love that new
night
Track Name: Solo Cup
its late night dim lights, i really gotta know where they solo cups at,
gotta fill the cup up
gotta keep the funup
when im dry i turn around and i come back
all the way up, dont forget to tilt the cupat a 45 degree,so neat,
solo cups stacking up at these degrees they think they are icosilese
and the neon glows, like girls pretty pink clothes,
hot like the microwave after coooking pizza rolls
dangerous like the warning lable at the punch tap
its dark … wheres the bathroom at


and my cup still full, and yet its empty somehow
if i turn it around, take a sip and put it down,
is this buzz in my head coming from whats in my drink,
or is it the fly in my chest nagging at me to think

and i walk around slowly
tip toeing and roaming
i talk to the people i dont know,

but when they think they know me,
ill flatter them surely
ill depart the scene with a “let’s go”

and as we grow fonder,
our talks are like water,
going like freeflowing liquid,

you look like youre decent,
I look like im seasoned,
but too much water im seasick

and my cup is still full yet its empty somehow
is there a hole in my cup, or am i thinkin out loud?
i just grabbed the stuff, i just filled it up
i think there might be something wrong with my solo cup
(x2)

its not dumb, that i wanna have fun, kick back, go out with the boys,
just gonna check out the scene, get a little obscene, but no worries its all a ploy,
everybody goes fast, no time to waste, the more impaired the better,
but its not to long, before we all sing the same song, soon to a toilet be tethered

and the toilet paper rolls, to whipe to vomit off my clothes,
feeling like i just ate a batch of rancid pizza rolls,
i smell like i did not take a shower at all,
and i feel like ill never get to leave this bathroom stall,

i leave my cup full, its still there when I come around,
when i wake up in the morning and its empty somehow,
is the headache in my head coming for what was last night,
or is the fly in my chest, keeping me in this blurry sight

but i roll out of my bed, 
this ringing in my head,
grab towel and and my vision zooms,

to the shower that I’m led,
the hot water is dead,
it seems rather right for this tune

and we grow fonder,
me and this here water,
this going and free flowing liquid,

I look like I’m decent,
but I’m truly seasick,
and my eyes will be bloodshot red

Chorus
Track Name: Broken
I wanna share the world with everybody I know
And I wanna show the world every thought that I can grow,
But when I break, I start to shake, and my senses are shattered,
A single tear represents fear as it grows, it falls and splatters

She holds out her arms and let's me right in,
She holds out the heart, that seems to be just as broken,
She tells me without words that she will always be open,
She insists, with laugh, "hey friend,
You're not broken"

i say i don’t believe you, and she says “look at me”
so I look her in the face, and she’s as broken as me,
she leans in and she tells me that she feels what I feel,
that she sees whats in me, and she knows that its real,

she takes me by the hand and takes me to a place,
she says its quiet here, we have some time to retrace,
start from the top and put me in your point of view,
tell me all your demons and all of what you’re going through,

and still i rebel, i say my demons are my own,
i say that i can surely cope, and i can handle it on my own,
she looks me in the eye, and we both know i can’t,
so ill spill all of my insides and start my silly rant,

Im a mess, and i don’t know what I’m doing anymore
i start out on the bed and then ill end up on the floor,
i feel broken and i feel alone without my door open,
it makes no sense for you to say those words “you’re not broken”

I wanna share the world with everybody I know
And I wanna show the world every thought that I can grow,
But when I break, I start to shake, and my senses are shattered,
A single tear represents fear as it grows, it falls and splatters

She holds out her arms and let's me right in,
She holds out the heart, that seems to be just as broken,
She tells me without words that she will always be open,
She insists, with laugh, "hey friend,
You're not broken"

A close look at the phrase, not long but the meaning,
A meaning so fleeting, that believing is retreating,
But still she persists, and she's so sure of those words,
It seems as if it hurts that I won't accept those words of hers

I have good reason, because they're words I tell myself,
Words I thought would surely help, if i administer a shrill yelp, 
Because it becomes unbearable this unshakable pain,
Like a reposition and my mind is what's being reclaimed

But the eyes tell the truth, and hers, though they shine, they don't lie,
I see it in her eyes, and those eyes,hard they try,
Prying at my eyes just to get me to see, 
If we're all a little broken, none of us can truly be

I ask her will you stay awake and help me with this thing,
Because I can't do it alone, and your words, with me they ring,
She says, let's make a club,
One for us to find the answer,
It'll be our little club, combat our struggles with laughter. 

I wanna share the world with everybody I know
And I wanna show the world every thought that I can grow,
But when I break, I start to shake, and my senses are shattered,
A single tear represents fear as it grows, it falls and splatters

She holds out her arms and let's me right in,
She holds out the heart, that seems to be just as broken,
She tells me without words that she will always be open,
She insists, with laugh, "hey friend,
You're not broken"
Track Name: At Your Worst
hey ma look at me
i just got the newly issued magazine
its me on the front page that youll see
its me that they keep showin on your screen

it lies on my chest, this vest made of gold
put it on myself to make my lies more bold
and im cold and im cruel and i will withhold
what i really want from you, is it new, is it old?

hey there, its unfair
that i live my life out of their dispair
its me up there in the all power chair
and i pick and I chose all the whens and the wheres

cause im not a nice guy, as it may seem
i have my demons on my sleeve,
take a second think deep, if you really want a piece
of this me, the new me thatll tear you into pieces

so hey you, look at you, you seem so happy,
wait a second let me help you, there now youre crushed
im just a crutch, one you never think you need till im gone,
and when im gone, its like a bomb went off, a fatal clot


so hey you yeah you, why dont you tell me
why I make these things, and tear them down, it just seems un healthy
cause i wanna help i really do, but all i seem to do is crude,
Ill kill your soul and ill laugh about it, all because im in the mood


Im the monster under your bed
you laugh about, you think im dead
i come for you when you are weak,
when youre at your worst Im at my peak


inside of this place is my very own prison

its filled to the brim with its very own vision

to break me into pieces, like i did you
only this time there is no undo
no back i can hit to make my escape,
no cape from a superman, its my mistake

the cell i am given is void of the light

i wish i could see i try hard as i might

but as i close my eyes, i only see you
staring at me sayin what did you do
i killed your soul and you let me do it,
and the worst part is i dont feel ruined

Im the monster under your bed
you laugh about, you think im dead
i come for you when you are weak,
when youre at your worst Im at my peak

we wait for the day where the people seem alright
it lingers on the border, but itsalways a fight
we wait for the day, where the struggle here is gone
they say it wont be long, but hey, they could be wrong
(x6)
Track Name: Blip
Do you see me show up ever so slowly onto your display screen,
captain theres a problem something that went previously unseen,
theres an unidentified object, in the water and its gaining speed,
quickly change your course, theres an unknown force you should heed

and it goes without saying, but ill say it anyway,
if you dont know whats around you then you may want to stay away,
but for the brave the very few, the some of you that will stay,
just know that what you join will bring about a brand new way,

a brand new way of thinkin,
a brand new way of sinkin,
a brand new way of changin,
what everyone else is thinkin

a brand new way of thinkin
a brand new way of sinkin,
just let me know and well get to work on this thing that weve been thinkin

a brand new way of thinkin,
a brand new way of sinkin,
a brand new way of changin,
what everyone else is thinkin

a brand new way of thinkin
a brand new way of sinkin,
im just a blip on your little radar
and it is a blip that has just started blinkin


sound the alarms
and sound em really loud
im comin through,
im comin for ya now
this is not a drill,
soon youll find out
im only here for you
now youre along for the ride, better buck up tight

sound the alarms
im comin through
i was just a blip,
but no that blip reads true

Yo a true blip is a new blip, blinking bright and making you slip,
youre wondering, questions on your lips, breaking walls and red tape ripped,
and often is they way of the red tape that they made,
its the barbed wire of the brain that i will cut with shears of the brave,

because the radar sweeps and blips will blink,
loudly on ya radar screen,
and soon the dot will be unseen, you see it’s meaning it represents me,
and ill try to kill my lack of free will, your bleeding mind and un-inked quill,
ill get you to write ill get you to fight you see, this is not a drill,

its just a brand new way of thinkin,
a brand new way of blinkin,
a brand new way to open your eyes,
and fly while they are sinkin,

its a brand new way of thinkin,
a brand new way at wits end;
i was just a blip on your little radar,
but the blip is alive, and lies are shrinkin

chorus
Track Name: Wouldn't It Be Nice?
wouldnt it be nice
if we could all live twice
if we could go to the moon
if we could stay the night

and would it be nice
if we could see the light
if we knew what to do
all of the time

i think it would be nice
if you were mine
and i could do what i want
i would use your mind

i think it would be nice
if i could give my eyes
to someone who sees black
all of the time


yo
its a tree
do you see what i see
do you wanna be free
let me show you what i see
its a door through the floor,
thats not open anymore,
it has life in its body and its rotten to the core,
but by choice, i dont think,
the world around it only shrinks,
let me rest let me think
the tree is gone in a blink
and when your eye shuts,
let it open again,
befriend the unearthed tree
and see your new vision bend
because if you saw what i see
you may just want to sleep
you may just want to think deep and keep these creeps on the brink
of reality, the tree is smothering my sanity
all this sight is leading to is reruns of my vanity

but dont you worry friend, ill just take you to the place
where i go to think, i close my eyes and pace
because its truly bliss to know not whats behind you
to know not whats ahead, because vision truly blinds you
Track Name: Roadkill
you see noboy tells the chiken that he shouldnt cross the road,
its just a joke that we all tell to keep from getting old
but we’ll grow to that point some day its true,
its not about who you know, its about what you do
(x4)

look both ways or youre gonna get flat
you cross that road and you end up on your back
i dont know where to go, except across the road,
and maybe, im not comin back
(x2)

so start the tale for me,
right from the beginning,
was it me who was the victor
was it me who was winning,
you see i nearly lost my life
just trying to get accross the way
trying to make life a stage
engage a new wave of change
and its in eyes where it lies
the true will and desire,
where you can see the fire
never disguised, and never a liar
so take the end away from me,
i hope i never see it coming,
i will look straight ahead,
disregard traffic oncoming
and if the heaadlights perpendicular
should catch my peripheral
i should hurry my pace
or else life be subliminal
and a new life would be born
for me upon the rough pavement
a museum of scorn,
and a reminder belated
but if you see me let me go,
i was always doomed remember
for i do not have the capacity
to truly surrender
and if you wished me be well,
as you think what you will
you see i always wondered what i would look like as roadkill

look both ways or youre gonna get flat
you cross that road and you end up on your back
i dont know where to go, except across the road,
and maybe, im not comin back
(x2)
Track Name: [PRO]crastinate
listen,
its rather convenient
that we in our own world are kind of self deviant
its meaningless, the clenest realization is meeting us
deafeating us, just cause we wanna be a genius

but
i never worry
my troubles
will dissolve in a flurry,
my face will be hurting
but ill make it in a hurry
because i wanna do it my way,
and the normal way is dirty,

look,
i got an hour till its time,
ill hit till its done and at the end of tis ryme,
youll see the perfect crime, cause ive done it my mind
i smiling cause im laughing cause im feeling sublime

im working till i got nothing left to go,
wait, the deadline was an hour ago?

you think in your mind that you dont know what to do
you dont know what to do
so you put it off of you, oh

but as time goes by and the seconds seem to fly
you might realize that your eyes are now wide oh

but you look a little closer
you look a little closer,
the print becomes bould,
the weight you start to shoulder
and you say maybe next time cause this time is through,
i already screwed it up, there aint anything to do

and you look a little deeper
you loom a little deeper
the drop becomes steeper
and the fall is now beneath ya
and you wish you had a hand, something to hold onto,
cause now youre falling, and the it wont end soon

listen,
its rather convenient
that we in our own world are kind of self deviant
its meaningless, the clenest realization is meeting us
deafeating us, just cause we wanna be a genius

wait
i already said that,
am i crazy,
am i in tact?
i had it all tracked,
where did it go bad,
im turnin into a maniac,
its a brain i lack

look,
i was feelin so fine,
i thought i had the time, to turn around on a dime
it was the perfect crime, only i got caught,
now im distraght, gimme a rematch,
of the fight i just lost

ill fight it till i got nothing left to go,
but i have already lost, that was ages ago


you think in your mind that you dont know what to do
you dont know what to do
so you put it off of you, oh

but as time goes by and the seconds seem to fly
you might realize that your eyes are now wide oh

but you look a little closer
you look a little closer,
the print becomes bould,
the weight you start to shoulder
and you say maybe next time cause this time is through,
i already screwed it up, there aint anything to do

and you look a little deeper
you loom a little deeper
the drop becomes steeper
and the fall is now beneath ya
and you wish you had a hand, something to hold onto,
cause now youre falling, and the it wont end soon
Track Name: Day by Day
I always said I would never ever let myself feel this way
I always said I would look away, let it pass by day by day
(x2)

And then she walked in
Un invited
I tried to lock my door.
But she was already in
In the door and in my head
And now I just want more
(x2)

So this doesn't usually happen
you can see it's kinda weird
I got a shot of anxiety
Runnin ear to ear

But it's also a smile
That's runnin that way
I want to fight it bad
But I couldn't make my case

She stared right into my eyes
She seemed unimpressed
Until she could see my heart
Beaton through my chest

And my cover is blown
just like that
I guess I shoulda froze
Maybe fake a heart attack.

If it were that easy,
It wouldn't have a word
It wouldn't be a myth
And it wouldn't ever hurt

But it does and it will
And it won't be easy
I can't tell if I'm happy
Sad or just queasy

And that's what it does,
Relentless in that way
Should I stay in my seat
Or should I pace

And after all
It still could a crock
But it doesn't change the fact
That my door is unlocked.

I always said I would never ever let myself feel this way
I always said I would look away, let it pass by day by day
(x2)

And then she walked in
Un invited
I tried to lock my door.
But she was already in
In the door and in my head
And now I just want more
(x2)